Hey Amir, Your account of how human sacrifice may have been a pretext for the conquest of Mexico was really interesting! I'm not quite clear about how your argument fits the Christian depiction of Islam with the Christian depiction of the Aztecs, but that may be a function of having only read five pages of your paper! Also, I found your biography of Diaz really helpful. Maybe you could also expand your biography of Cortes?
Hey Amir, First, just a quick note: During your first paragraph, you make a lot of generalizations and strong statements about Muslim-Christian Spanish relations; while they certainly seem believable, they are also argumentative and it would be good to cite the source from which you got these arguments (like "Islam came to be characterized by lax morals and an inclination to lust and violence" - very broad and general, and needs more support since it's ending a paragraph). Elsewhere - I think the two paragraphs on your third page are the strongest and most 'introduction'-y. The way you've sort of got this intro structured is 1)summary of religious stuff, 2)main questions/overview of topic, 3)summary of Diaz's life. You might consider bringing (2) to the forefront and then choosing either (1) or (3) to go into next, but definitely expanding (1) a lot (sorry for the numeral abbreviations, made it easier than short explanations).
Your statement about the difference between Muslim and Christian families and the perceived "lax morals" of Muslims stuck out to me as well. I agree that this merits some expansion or perhaps even a separate discussion elsewhere in your paper?
I agree that paragraph 3 seems to bring out a lot of your main points. You even explicitly state what is "unique about Spanish accounts of indigenous Mexican ritual," and you do a great job of clarifying how your argument differs from other possible directions. I agree that these points could come to the front of your argument.
I think I agree with some other commentators that you should bring paragraph 3, which seems to be your arguement to the forefront. I think the way it is now, it is less clear where you are going in your first two paragraphs with your discussion of muslims and the moors. I also feel like you could elaborate a little more the connection you are making between spain and the new world to spain and the moors. Other than that I really like the way you have begun to frame your argument!
Hey Amir,
ReplyDeleteYour account of how human sacrifice may have been a pretext for the conquest of Mexico was really interesting! I'm not quite clear about how your argument fits the Christian depiction of Islam with the Christian depiction of the Aztecs, but that may be a function of having only read five pages of your paper! Also, I found your biography of Diaz really helpful. Maybe you could also expand your biography of Cortes?
Hey Amir,
ReplyDeleteFirst, just a quick note: During your first paragraph, you make a lot of generalizations and strong statements about Muslim-Christian Spanish relations; while they certainly seem believable, they are also argumentative and it would be good to cite the source from which you got these arguments (like "Islam came to be characterized by lax morals and an inclination to lust and violence" - very broad and general, and needs more support since it's ending a paragraph).
Elsewhere - I think the two paragraphs on your third page are the strongest and most 'introduction'-y. The way you've sort of got this intro structured is 1)summary of religious stuff, 2)main questions/overview of topic, 3)summary of Diaz's life. You might consider bringing (2) to the forefront and then choosing either (1) or (3) to go into next, but definitely expanding (1) a lot (sorry for the numeral abbreviations, made it easier than short explanations).
Hey Amir,
ReplyDeleteYour statement about the difference between Muslim and Christian families and the perceived "lax morals" of Muslims stuck out to me as well. I agree that this merits some expansion or perhaps even a separate discussion elsewhere in your paper?
I agree that paragraph 3 seems to bring out a lot of your main points. You even explicitly state what is "unique about Spanish accounts of indigenous Mexican ritual," and you do a great job of clarifying how your argument differs from other possible directions. I agree that these points could come to the front of your argument.
I think I agree with some other commentators that you should bring paragraph 3, which seems to be your arguement to the forefront. I think the way it is now, it is less clear where you are going in your first two paragraphs with your discussion of muslims and the moors. I also feel like you could elaborate a little more the connection you are making between spain and the new world to spain and the moors. Other than that I really like the way you have begun to frame your argument!
ReplyDeleteMackenzie