I thought that the feedback I got on my rough draft was very helpful. I think the general consensus was that I should work on strengthening my argument, especially introducing my thesis on page one instead of page thirteen. That’s definitely something I plan on doing, and I’ll work to expand my conclusion and make it feel less abrupt. I think if I push my argument further, perhaps reflecting on the strengths and weaknesses of an absolute monarchy versus a popular democracy, and speak a little bit about the ironies of the popularization of inoculation in America, I can create a more interesting finish to my paper. In the substantive category, I want to add a paragraph about how American elites embraced the inoculation much as Catherine the Great did. I think this will emphasize that top down support has little impact in a decentralized democracy like 18th Century America. I also want to do more research into the long-term effects of the public health reforms in Catherine the Great’s Russia. I do think that there will be evidence to argue that these reforms were not as far reaching as those in the United States, and that will help complicate my argument for the benefits and drawbacks of Catherine’s reforms. Other small details I want to fix: making the context paragraphs for Russia a little more interesting, explaining French-Russian relations for the Enlightenment angle (especially the ‘French critique’ that I referenced and never explained), and making sure that my argument is worked into the evidentiary paragraphs. Thank you all so much for your feedback; it’s been tremendously helpful!
this all sounds like you are on the right path. You sort of need to frame your wonderful research with more explicit reference to bigger questions, framing at the beginning and end, and reminding the reader of the larger argument occasionally throughout. For you, that argument, sounds like, is about institutional constraints/practices of big public health measures in early modern conditions.
ReplyDeletesomeone told me today that a new book has been published (its author is on the talk show/NPR circuit) entitled simply POX -- about smallpox. You might see if it's relevant, if you can track down a copy.