Hey Mackenzie, So I caught a couple of typos, but I'm sure you'll fix them as you revise. Also, it'd be great if you could define a couple terms. Certain Parliaments, like the 'Caviler Parliament' and the 'Rump Parliament' confused me a little bit. Do those refer to specific sessions of Parliament? Also, I had to look up what episcopacy meant! I'd also introduce John Dunton earlier in your recap of English history. It doesn't have to be anything substantial but a throw away line like "the world in which Dunton lived had grown progressively more suspicious of religious radicals" would help the reader keep the context of your paper in mind. Overall, good job!
I also wasn't really clear on "Caviler Parliament" and episcopacy. I think adding a short description or just replacing those terms with a short description would really help those of us that aren't as well versed in this topic as you, but that should be an easy fix.
It might be that this will come later in your paper, but I thought it would be interesting to discuss whether Dunton included JM's words just for enhancement of his own observations or because he didn't actually observe this in New England but still wanted to depict New England this way to his readers.
I find this topic to be really interesting, and it reminds me a little of my own since you're also looking at how a travel account can reflect a home society. Anyway, I think you should elaborate a little more on Dunton's audience, since this is an important part of your argument. Though, maybe you were planning on adding it later in the text, it makes sense to me to include it early on. Some background information seems a bit superfluous (such as the Great Fire of London) but I think it might work better if you tied it in directly with Dunton instead of having it at the beginning. Overall, it seems like a nice start.
Hi Mackenzie, Overall I like your move from description of fear of lawlessness in England to how that's reflected in John Dunton's work, but though it made sense ideas-wise I think there are a few things you could change about your style to make it flow better: - A lot of your sentences are of identical structure - subject, 'is/was', description. It makes the paper a little choppy (I do you know you said this was very rough) but that's one big thing to look out for in your edits. - Sometimes you tell the story in present tense, and sometimes past - definitely stick to one or the other. - Your Dunton section is well laid out, with 'first, next, last,' but your quotes often overshadow your own analysis because they're rather long, and occasionally your one-sentence analysis of them doesn't seem to fit the one-sentence quote.
But again, those are mainly style issues - I liked the work you've done so far and the way you're structuring your paper!
Hey Mackenzie,
ReplyDeleteSo I caught a couple of typos, but I'm sure you'll fix them as you revise. Also, it'd be great if you could define a couple terms. Certain Parliaments, like the 'Caviler Parliament' and the 'Rump Parliament' confused me a little bit. Do those refer to specific sessions of Parliament? Also, I had to look up what episcopacy meant! I'd also introduce John Dunton earlier in your recap of English history. It doesn't have to be anything substantial but a throw away line like "the world in which Dunton lived had grown progressively more suspicious of religious radicals" would help the reader keep the context of your paper in mind. Overall, good job!
Hey,
ReplyDeleteI also wasn't really clear on "Caviler Parliament" and episcopacy. I think adding a short description or just replacing those terms with a short description would really help those of us that aren't as well versed in this topic as you, but that should be an easy fix.
It might be that this will come later in your paper, but I thought it would be interesting to discuss whether Dunton included JM's words just for enhancement of his own observations or because he didn't actually observe this in New England but still wanted to depict New England this way to his readers.
I find this topic to be really interesting, and it reminds me a little of my own since you're also looking at how a travel account can reflect a home society. Anyway, I think you should elaborate a little more on Dunton's audience, since this is an important part of your argument. Though, maybe you were planning on adding it later in the text, it makes sense to me to include it early on. Some background information seems a bit superfluous (such as the Great Fire of London) but I think it might work better if you tied it in directly with Dunton instead of having it at the beginning. Overall, it seems like a nice start.
ReplyDeleteHi Mackenzie,
ReplyDeleteOverall I like your move from description of fear of lawlessness in England to how that's reflected in John Dunton's work, but though it made sense ideas-wise I think there are a few things you could change about your style to make it flow better:
- A lot of your sentences are of identical structure - subject, 'is/was', description. It makes the paper a little choppy (I do you know you said this was very rough) but that's one big thing to look out for in your edits.
- Sometimes you tell the story in present tense, and sometimes past - definitely stick to one or the other.
- Your Dunton section is well laid out, with 'first, next, last,' but your quotes often overshadow your own analysis because they're rather long, and occasionally your one-sentence analysis of them doesn't seem to fit the one-sentence quote.
But again, those are mainly style issues - I liked the work you've done so far and the way you're structuring your paper!